#LIKE LITERALLY I TRIED THE NAME OF MY FIRST GF (DATED FOR EIGHT HOURS) AND THAT WASN'T IT

[the-halfling-prince]

Me: ah shit I forgot the password to this thing. Let me just look at my security question.

Security question: gf's name

Me: what

[astorminmyteacup]

M.

I had a really deep relationship

It lasted for three years and I thought he would have been the love of my life. I was completely obsessed with this relationship and with this guy, who I’d like to name M. 

I never felt this way before. I’ve already had a boyfriend, but it was a complicated relationship: we were young (17y) and we lived far away, so I can say, I never lived the romantic. 

When I met M., it completely shocked my world. I met him the first time while I was still with my (ex) boyfriend. He was one of my brother’s friend and immediately he started flirting with me (he was 26, I was 19) and I was deeply attracted by this guy, too self confident, too funny and so full of energy. 

I broke up with my boyfriend and in three days, I started dating this guy. it has been the best period of my life. 

We understood each other: he made me feel like a completely different person. I grew up thanks to M. and I will be forever grateful for this. 

I didn’t realize I started leaving behind me somethings. At first (and I mean for almost two years) I tried to put together all the sides of my life: my friends, my family and him. But, going forward, I realized he didn’t like my friends (I know my two best friends since we are kids) and, on the other side, they didn’t like him, but - I don’t know - I was so deeply in love with him that I thought my friends were trying to bring problems in my relationship in order to make it crash. So, I started getting away from them and rarely seeing them.

I can’t say this relationship was bad or sad or whatever negative I can think of, because the truth is I really felt happy and this past three years were the best years of my life. We were so in sync, we could understand each other in a way I never had with nobody else, but there was something wrong and I’m so hurt to admit that. 

I couldn’t live without him: I had to have him with me for everything (family dinner and even just for shopping). I had to see him every day, every hour (I went to USA with my family and I was desperate). 

It was sick, but I never realized it until I started missing my old friends and my freedom. I wanted to stay alone with myself... 

Out of the blue, I realized there was something different: I started feeling less involved in the relationship. I didn’t miss him so much and (I would it was not so) I started thinking about a possible break up - but I was scared to admit that, because I was afraid of being alone because I thought I wasn’t able to stay alone and do all the things people do by themselves -. 

I started working this September. M.’s ex gf worked in that place and he recommended me to send my curriculum and start there and I did. 

I liked my job... but he didn’t like it. He’s really a good person, but he's a tough person with a very strong personality (I’m much more “weak”... sure is I was (sort of) intimidated by his personality and, mostly, I lived fearing he would have broken up with me if I did something wrong. 

Now I think he didn’t like I liked something he couldn’t control. I liked stay at closing time with my colleagues drinking something and chatting about anything. He didn’t like any of my colleagues because he said they would have flirted with me in any occasion.

One of the guys started texting me, but I didn’t take care of it. Meanwhile, my mind kept thinking about negative stuff about the relationship and I started thinking way too much. 

Now I know I already took a decision, but at the time, I was still “in love” with him... I thought I was in love. 

I made a mistake and I will always regret it: I accepted the advances (while I was in the relationship, I never do anything) but I permitted this guy to text me - if I was truly in love with M. I’d have never answered the texts -. 

I told him there was something wrong and I told him I wasn’t happy anymore. He told me he couldn’t have done anything for me and in that moment, when I asked for help and he didn’t catch it, I understood the relationship was over. 

For the past three years, I literally lived for him: I loved him like I never loved anyone else. I chose him above my friends (my two best friends of a life) and I completely forgot my other company. I was so obsessed by my relathionship. It was something sick - now I know it, but I couldn’t see it -. 

I mean “sick” but I don’t want to discredit my relationship. I was truly happy and  deeply in love with him. Just, I stopped living my life because I was living his life, as he wanted it to be. I was happy not because I was happy, but because he was happy and that made me feel happy. It’s quite different. 

So I called it a quit and while we were “on a break” I kissed another guy. I was not interested in this guy - I think I did that just because I wanted to feel free to do anything I wanted... and it was wrong, I know and I'm still regretting it now (after eight months). 

He was so angry because I was so ashamed that I told him what I did. maybe I shouldn’t have done it and I should have broken up and stop. But I felt I had to tell him all the truth because for all our relationship there weren’t secrets between us. 

He deleted me from his life... and I can understand it. 

He tried to fix the things. He said he could have rearranged all his attitudes - and maybe he would have reached it - but I said no. I didn’t want that to go on. I didn’t want that relationship anymore... I was the problem because I knew I wouldn’t have changed myself. I would have stayed the same girl obsessed by her boyfriend. 

I was the problem, not him. 

I went through a really really bad time. I felt guilty for all the reasons in this world: I felt guilty for the guy’s girlfriend (yes, he was [and still is] with this girl and he cheated on her with me... this thing drives me crazy!) ; I felt guilty for M. and I was so sad because I knew he was suffering because of me. I felt so lonely... I wasn’t used to stay alone and do the things by myself. I thought I couldn’t be able to love anymore. I thought anyone would have loved me because I was a bad person who made others suffer. 

That was a terrible period. 

I knew all the ends tasted the same, but - as everyone - it seemed my end was the most terrible in the whole world.

I still think about him, but now it’s different. We broke up at the beginning of February, but we were “on a break” since January and I started thinking about ending the relationship since December (it seems I want to justify myself - and maybe it is so)... at the beginning of March, I stared texting with one guy, one of my colleagues, and now we’re a couple and the things are quite serious. 

I’m happy now. I truly am. But this is another story

[jxminsdna-blog]

twenty-eight days | park jimin x reader

A/N: Hello!! I used to use tumblr like eight thousand years ago, but since I enjoy reading fanfictions and writing so much I decided I would try to make a writing account of my own. This is pretty much the first story I’ve ever published, so I hope to anyone who reads it that they enjoy it!! 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Genre: angst

Word count: 1.4k 

Prompt: Person A talks through Person B’s door thinking they’re not home but Person B hears everything.

Twenty-eight days.

It had been twenty eight days, five hours, and sixteen minutes since you and Park Jimin had the most epic fights of fights possible. In the two years that you two were together, Jimin had never yelled at you, not even when you were accidentally dropped his phone and cracked the screen, not even when you lost the really expensive ring that he had bought for you for your birthday.

Hearing him yell at you wasn’t the worst part, though. Seeing him look at you, as if he hated you, had shattered your heart into a thousand tiny pieces, that you’d never be

able to get back together.

You weren’t able to out of bed for four days. You didn’t leave your house for twelve. Finally, on the thirteenth day, Seokjin came over, and dragged you out of your apartment.

“Your life can’t just stop because your relationship is over, Y/N,” he kept repeating. “You have to move on.”

But how were you supposed to move on, when everything reminded you of Jimin?

The coffee shop two blocks from your apartment, where you met Jimin. You had accidentally spilled coffee onto his shirt, and to repay him, he had shyly asked for your number.

Your favourite pizza place, two left turns away. You had taken Jimin here for your first date. You two had spent the whole night talking, barely touching your food, until the restaurant had finally closed.

And the hill, the hill that you could hike up to look at the whole city. It was an extremely special place to you, the place that Jimin had told you that he had loved you for the first time.

All places, close to your heart, tainted, with Jimin.

Fifteen days, two hours, and two minutes after, you go to work for the first time in two weeks. Your boss and your co-workers tell you how good it is to have you back, and give you words of encouragement. You brush them off, stating that you’re fine. When you reach your office, you realize that the photo of you and Jimin, the one of him kissing your cheek, is still propped up. You leave your work, your eyes slightly puffy, your mascara slightly smudged. You think that your coworkers don’t notice, but they do.

Seventeen days, an hour and thirty minutes after, you smile for the first time. The cute boy at the coffee shop winks at you, and you smile back, your cheeks burning. But really, all you’re thinking about how much he looks like Jimin.

Twenty days, eight hours, and 4 minutes after, you laugh for the first time. You’re watching TV and your favourite movie comes on. Your laughing dies as quickly as it came though. You remember watching it with Jimin, as he played with your hair.

Twenty-two days, three hours, and fourteen minutes after, the first article comes out. “IS JIMIN’S BTS SINGLE AGAIN? SHOCK SPLIT FROM GF”. Your phone is flooded with texts, your instagram crashing with comments. That night, you go out with your friends. Drunk, surrounded by sweaty bodies in the dark club, you block his number.

Twenty-five days, and fifty-two minutes after, you wake up for the first time with dry eyes. Seokjin visits, bringing along Taehyung. When they walk in, immediately Taehyung pulls you into a bearhug.

“I’m okay, Tae, I really am,” you assure him several times, as Seokjin busies himself in the kitchen. “I’m doing okay today.”

Taehyung and Seokjin stay for dinner. It’s a quiet, but pleasant evening. You laugh, and smile, and when they bid you goodnight, you sigh.

It’s like you can you literally feel Jimin’s lips on your forehead as he whispers, “Goodbye, baby. I love you,” as he exits with them.

But it’s all in your head.

The twenty-eighth day starts like any other day. You order a coffee, smile at the boy who looks like him, and head to work.

At noon, you fumble through your bag, looking for your lunch. You curse under your breath, realizing that you left it at home. You walk back to your apartment, and notice something strange.

Is that… Jimin’s car?

Why would Jimin be here?

Many people have that car, Y/N. you tell yourself.

You’re looking for signs that aren’t there.

Why would he come here?

You head upstairs, and eat your lunch quietly. Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door. Frowning, you head to the door to check who is it. Could it be the mailman? He never knocks though.

“Y/N?”

You freeze in place. You’d know that voice from anywhere. It’s his voice.

How does he know you’re here? Did he see you when you were coming up?

Jimin laughs bitterly to himself.

“Jimin, get a grip. She’s not going to be here.”

He doesn’t know that you’re here.

You hear the creak as Jimin’s back makes contact with your door, and he slides onto the floor. Silently, you sit on the other side. Can he hear your heart beating, a thousand miles a minute, as you realize this the closest you’ve been to each other in four weeks?

He starts talking again.

“Me and Taehyung are fighting.”

You want to ask why. But you can’t. Your tongue doesn’t seem to work anymore.

“It’s not one of those usual petty fights you know we have.”

You know which one he’s talking about. The ones where they steal each other’s stuff, tease each other, or pay attention to other members instead of each other.

“It’s about you.”

…

But, why?

“He’s mad at me because I hurt you. When he came home from your house a couple days ago, he started yelling at me. He said that he could see how bad you were hurting, how crushed you are, and how I don’t even seem to care.”

Does he care? As soon as the thought escapes, you don’t actually want to know the answer.

“I started yelling back. I don’t know what I was saying, but we were screaming at each other at the top of our lungs.”

His voice starts wavering.

“Does Taehyung even know how much I’m hurting?”

If even possible, your heart shattered even more. You just wanted to open the door and fling yourself into Jimin’s arms. But you couldn’t move. It felt like you couldn’t even breathe.

“I have… I have to put on this facade for the fans. That everything is alright. So that they won’t worry, and to protect you, since I don’t want fans to come after you because I’m sad. But inside… Y/N, it hurts so fucking much and I feel like such a dick for keeping it up in front of the other members too but it just- it feels so much easier than coping with it.”

“I just… I miss you so much. I miss coming over to your house to make cookies and watching romantic comedies that you cry in every time but you always deny that you are. I miss whenever you came to the dorm, you stole some of my shirts and hoodies and you’d return them a couple weeks later and they’d smell like you. I miss falling asleep with you. I miss texting you, and calling you, and just being able to talk to you.”

You didn’t realize you were crying until you saw the tears hit the floor.

“I know I fucked up. I never should of yelled at you. I feel horrible, Y/N.”

“I’ve wanted to call you so many times. To tell you how I’m feeling. How I miss you so much and how every fucking girl I look at reminds me of you, and how I’m never gonna forget you.”

You’d never even know he’d tried to contact your number anyways, if he tried. You blocked his number.

“You… you probably should just forget about me anyways. I’m never gonna be enough for you anyways. You deserve someone better than me.”

No.

He can’t be giving up, can he.

You’re so close to opening the door. But you can tell that his monologue isn’t over yet, his speech to his lost love, who he has no clue can hear him right now.

“I will always, always, care for you, Y/N. You can’t hear me right now, but I hope you know this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be the one for you. Goodbye.”

It takes you for approximately thirteen seconds to register what Jimin had just said. Shaking, you threw open the door, and called out his name. You screamed, and screamed.

But he was gone.

You were too late.

After twenty-eight days, five hours, and twenty-five minutes, your final goodbyes had been said to Park Jimin.

[sxdomy]

All

1:Is there a boy/girl in your life? yes, lars (:
2:Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? the last person who hurt me so much my whole life almost fell apart? yes
3:What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” cat
4:What’s something you really want right now? lars
5:Are you afraid of falling in love? no, i'm in love
6:Do you like the beach? no
7:Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? no
8:What’s the background on your cell? "it always seems impossible until it's done." -nelson mandela
9:Name the last four beds you were sat on? mine, my sister's, my nephew's, and my parent's prob??
10:Do you like your phone? yes
11:Honestly, are things going the way you planned? yes
12:Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? the manager @ my new job
13:Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? rottweiler
14:Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? emotional
15:Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? zoo
16:Are you tired? no
17:How long have you known your 1st phone contact? it was probably a family member so my whole life lmao
18:Are they a relative? yeah
19:Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? i have none
20:When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? literally 5 sec ago
21:If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? i would wait i feel young
22:Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes
23:How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? eight
24:Is there a certain quote you live by? "if you never break, you'll never know how to put yourself back together..." -real friends
25:What’s on your mind? lars
26:Do you have any tattoos? no, but i want some
27:What is your favorite color? black
28:Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? whenever i see lars again
29:Who are you texting? lars
30:Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? no
31:Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? yes
32:Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? yes
33:Do you think anyone has feelings for you? lars
34:Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? yes
35:Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? well, if i had no idea who the person was then i'd be pissed
36:Were you single on Valentines Day? yes.. this v day hopefully not 
37:Are you friends with the last person you kissed? no, we are dating
38:What do your friends call you? brett, bread, brettzee, beret
39:Has anyone upset you in the last week? no
40:Have you ever cried over a text? yes
41:Where’s your last bruise located? cant say i know
42:What is it from? idek
43:Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? months ago 
44:Who was the last person you were on the phone with? lars
45:Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? my docs
46:Do you wear hats if you're having a bad hair day? i own none
47:Would you ever go bald if it was the style? i've thought abt going bald for yrs
48:Do you make supper for your family? sometimes
49:Does your bedroom have a door? yes thank fuckin god
50:Top 3 web-pages? porn site, school website, google
51:Do you know anyone who hates shopping? idts
52:Does anything on your body hurt? no
53:Are goodbyes hard for you? depends
54:What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? dr pepper
55:How is your hair? soft, shiny, black, and clean
56:What do you usually do first in the morning? check the time
57:Do you think two people can last forever? yes
58:Think back to January 2007, were you single? yes, i was eight yrs old
59:Green or purple grapes? purple
60:When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? next time i see lars
61:Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? in lars' bed
62:When will be the next time you text someone? prob in a sec when lars responds
63:Where will you be 5 hours from now? in my bed
64:What were you doing at 8 this morning? sleeping
65:This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes
66:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? lars
67:Did you kiss or hug anyone today? no ):
68:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? lars
69:Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? yes.. recently no
70:How many windows are open on your computer? my computer is shut off so idk
71:How many fingers do you have? ten
72:What is your ringtone? marimba
73:How old will you be in 5 months? eighteen
74:Where is your Mum right now? her rm
75:Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? we got into a huge fight and havent spoken since
76:Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? no
77:Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? some, yes
78:Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? i had a crush on like 20 different ppl in that one yr alone
79:Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? yes
80:Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? almost in lars'
81:How many people have you liked in the past three months? a few
82:Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? yes
83:Will you talk to the person you like tonight? yes
84:You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? a friend
85:If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? no.. as long as theyre safe abt it
86:What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? someone told me to put my phone away, and i didnt
87:Who was your last received call from? lars
88:If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? no
89:What is something you wish you had more of? $$$
90:Have you ever trusted someone too much? yes
91:Do you sleep with your window open? if it's hot, yes
92:Do you get along with girls? some
93:Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? no
94:Does sex mean love? it can
95:You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? i would fuck him LMAO
96:Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? no
97:Did you sleep alone this week? yes
98:Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? yes
99:Do you believe in love at first sight? no
100:Who was the last person that you pinky promise? cant remember